Bessie

Hi, I’m Bessie and I’m 12 years old. I was born a boy, but I feel like a girl. I love music, acting, dancing, singing and I play guitar. I love the singers P!nk, Lady Gaga, Jessie J, Beyoncé, Rihanna, One Direction and many more! I’ve seen Jessie J and Lady Gaga in concert and I’m going to see P!nk and One Direction. I also love Harry Potter and The Hunger Games

I realised that I was actually a girl when I was 2. I loved dressing up and wearing dresses. I watched princess movies a lot. I didn’t mind wearing boy’s clothes out in public, but I just couldn’t wait to come home and play dress ups and wear a wig. When I got older. It became more important to me. I wasn’t a boy. I didn’t want to wear boy’s clothes. I wanted long hair.

In Grade 1, I would try to get my shoulder length hair into a ponytail. At some points then, I would come home saying I wanted to die. That worried my parents a lot. That’s when they took some serious action. They found someone I could talk to. He helped a lot. Somehow it all became a lot better then. I still see him sometimes. I never really wanted to talk about it much and I remember being quite happy at school. I was a BIG Harry Potter fan. I always acted like Hermione Granger. I would carry big books around everywhere with me just to be like her. In Grade 2, I grew my hair longer, and wore clothes that would suit a girl more. I had to use disabled toilets because I didn’t feel comfortable using the boys toilet and the school wouldn’t let me use the girls toilet. The problem was that it was always locked and I didn’t like to ask the office to open it for me. But I never had any accidents. When I got into Grade 3, things got more serious. We were doing our school swimming program. By then I had long hair and I looked very much like a girl. After swimming, I obviously had to get changed back into school clothes. Unfortunately, my school made me get changed in the boy’s toilets. I bet you know were this is going to go. I went inside the boy’s toilets with Mum waiting on the outside. It was terrible. All the older kids were shouting and yelling “GIRL IN THE BOY’S TOILETS! GIRL IN THE BOY’S TOILETS!”. They all knew about me. They just wanted to make me feel bad. Well that worked. I ran out howling. I went back to school in tears, with Mum. There were lots of different meetings with the Principle I remember. Halfway through the year I moved schools. That’s when things got heaps better.

A new school. It was very good to move. No one knew except the Principle at that school so I could start afresh. I can now freely use the girl’s toilets without worrying. I started getting excellent reports, even though my reports at my old school weren’t bad either.

Grade 5 was a big year for me. I started my treatment. Puberty Blocking Hormones. I was definitely going into puberty and fast. It was quite a stressful time for me. My parents had to go to court so I could get the treatment. I felt like I was burdening them. Sometimes I still do. It was a long process but finally we could get the treatment for me. Basically it is a big needle in the bum. It hurt… A LOT. Now it’s not so terrible. Last time, it didn’t hurt at all. I have a very special charm bracelet. Each charm represents one treatment and reflects what was happening in my life at that time.

When I went into Grade 5, I got my first A. And I discovered leadership. I have now been made a school leader and that makes me feel really good.

This year has been such a roller coaster. I have gone through highs and lows. For example: A boy from my school moved to my old school. Some people told him about me. It spread to my school. But nobody believed it. That was the day that I went to the Jessie J concert. It was amazing. She was amazing. She knows what it’s like. She used to get bullied. She has survived it and now look at her!!!!! In July, I also went to Lady Gaga. It was the best night of my life so far. Lady Gaga talked about being who you are, saying “You are Born This Way, Baby!”

My advice to anyone who doesn’t know what to do is to talk to somebody. Not just anybody. Someone you can trust. Your parents, friends or teacher. Someone you can rely on. You should also try and be yourself. You should please nobody but yourself. If you want long hair, grow long hair. If you want to wear clothes that you like, you wear them. Try and do the best you can to be you.

 

Here I am. This is my story so far. It has been a big journey, but I think it’s just going to get better and better.

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